A home becomes a house

Calling my place of residence a home really doesn't fit anymore, it has become a house instead of a home. The impending divorce has seen to that. In my mind a home is a place with love and security, a house is just a structure to be lived in. Now that the atmosphere here is full of the coming divorce, the love and security are gone. My home has turned into a house. All the memorabilia everywhere is now just clutter. The comfy couch so good for a nap is now just an eyesore that should go to the dump. As I enjoy sitting on the patio or looking out the window at the pleasant view, I am all too aware of the fact that my time doing these things is soon to end.

This place I live will soon belong to someone else and I look at it as a relater or prospective buyer will see it. I catch myself occasionally wanting to add another little quirky flourish to the place but than remember it is more or less not my place of residence anymore. Instead of decorating by adding more little personal touches, I need to get busy and take down the ones that already exist. I need to make my home generic, which is another reason it has become a house.

Repairs long procrastinated must now be done with no time to waste. The longer it takes to get the repairs done, the longer my soon-to-be-ex and I must live together, dragging out the divorce. I found it hard to design the new tile shower stall for someone else, not for me. We are finally replacing the old oil furnace with a nice new efficient gas one for someone else to use. What curtains would a prospective buyer like, to hell with what I like. The new flooring must be generic, something without my personality involved in it's selection. We are finally fixing the broken ice-maker in the fridge so someone else can use it. The list goes on.

The money we are using to do these repairs is from the equity in our house. The more of it spent, the less chance my soon-to-be-ex and I will have of possibly buying a house when we split. We may each have to rent if neither of us can come up with a big enough down payment for a new home of our own. All this money we are spending so someone else can enjoy this house is money out of our pockets robbing us of the possibility of getting and enjoying a house for each of us. I am fixing this house up so someone else can enjoy their own place, cutting my own throat as to my being able to have my own place to enjoy.

For these reasons my house has become a home, a loveless, insecure and generic place to reside.